Wow, that was fun!

I just ran back and forth. It was awesome. I think I need my nails clipped, my mom should get on that. Maybe, I will march across the floor and jump on the love seat. Yes, that sounds like it would be lovely.

Now that I am on the love seat I can continue my blog. (look mom! I started a new paragraph!) Well, I think I am a very good pig. But all night mom has been talking about some tiny little baby pig she saw at the pet store. I'm the only pig in this house! I think the pig she saw is Italian because she keeps calling it a Guinea Pig.

So, the rents' put up all of the christmas decorations tonight. At first I was excited, but then Dad vaccumed. I hate that f$#*ing thing. I was standing in the middle of the stairs and he pointed the hose for it at me and I did not know what to do. Also, every christmas so far there has been ham. I see no christmas ham! I sniff the fridge, no ham. I lick my butt, no ham. I poop outside, no ham. What the frig is this! How can a hound survive with no ham! I mean christmas ham is my favorite. Although I did get to munch some new cookies. So if any of you baxter-bloggers are looking for christmas ideas for me, here's a list:

1) A new convertible.
2) Lots of Ham.
3) Some Mint flavored dental floss. (it's good, but it causes major nun-chuck poop.)
4) Pretzels with ranch dressing.
5) Bones.
6) A belly rub.
7) My own place.
8) BAILEYS!!!!

I love Baileys! It's my favorite! One day mom was having some Baileys in a nifty crystal snifter. Basically its a fancy dog bowl for humans. She left it on the table for me so I drank it. Ever since then, I've been hooked. Ok, well I feel like I am rambling. I'm going to go lick my butt now.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Love,
Baxter

P.S. - Dad you're my favorite. I am sorry about the couch post. You are the best human ever! ::lick::

It's 11:21, do you know where your Basset is?

Ok, so it's 11:21 and I'm as hyper as hell. I have these furry squeaky things that I'm constantly squeaking. I think I might run back and forth uncontrollably and bark for a few minutes, I'll be back......

Couch wars

Dad tortured me last night. Stupid dad.

I was simply minding my own business, pushing mom and dad around on the couch trying to get comfortable when all of the sudden dad puts his legs on me. The nerve! Make me lie down before I've circled. And, facing the wrong direction no less. But, I sucked it up and stayed there (mainly because the weight of his legs made it impossible to move).

As if that wasn't bad enough - dad decided he wanted to cuddle. Next thing I know, I'm on my back, lying next to dad - paws in the air. Mom thought it was funny. I thought it was annoying. I hate lying on my back. This is my couch, dad should be honored that I let him share it with me. Instead, he torments me. Jerk. He'll get his.

In other news "Thanksgiving" is tomorrow. I hope it's as good as Christmas - there better be ham involved.

Even dogs say their prayers

See?

I know EXACTLY where he's coming from. It's ON, Mercy. Stupid cat.

My dad is super awesome!

Ok, I usually don't get all mushy on my blog but I am so wasted on dog bowls of water and pretzels with ranch and I just want the whole world to know that my dad is the best dad ever! He is my favorite. He's my buddy. Thats because sometimes my mom makes fun of me for not using paragraphs in my blogs. So here you go mom, this paragraph-less blog is for you!!! I want to eat grandma's cat. See, I started a new topic without a new paragraph! I went from talking about my dad being super awesome to eating grandma's cat with no transition or indentation or anything! I am so awesome!!! I'm a good pig........@gmail.com!

One Stick, Two Stick, Bean Stick - Green Stick

Recently, my mom bought this:

Pretty cool looking, huh?

Well, today they made it for dinner. Pretty odd thing to cook a toy if you ask me, but whatever - my parents are weird. The best part was when dad gave me the green stick. It was nice and chewy. My only complaint is that it didn't squeak. What kind of toy doesn't squeak? Stupid parents - I bet it would have squeaked if they left the balls on it. I bet all of them had squeakers.

I carried it around the house. See?

I only got snagged once - then I realized if I tilt my dome to the side I could fit anywhere. Mom wasn't too thrilled when I started leaving green stick shavings in their room - or when I started to play keep away. Tough luck.

She sucks - she stole my green stick. Actually, I take that back. She did give me one of the green balls - which was delicious, if I do say so myself (even though it didn't squeak -I'm guess squeakers melt when they're cooked).

I don't know why - but dad seemed thoroughly disgusted when I gulped it down. Dad just doesn't know what's good for him.

Crap, now we're even

Baxter: 1
Mom: 1

She's on to me. She went to take a shower today, so, naturally, I jumped onto her bed. She caught me, so I slunk off, head down, implying I wouldn't do it again. So, she went to the bathroom (again) - I thought I was safe. I had my front paws on the bed when she came around the corner. I was caught red pawed. I apologized. Again.

This time, I'll wait until I know she's in the shower. I followed her to the bathroom to make sure she got in, and what do you know - she closed the door behind me.

She won.

I had to spend the entire time in the bathroom. I nudged the door with my nose but it was no use - I didn't have enough room to get my nose around their water sticks (or in human terms "toilet"). I was trapped.

I spent the time lying on the bathmat, staring longingly at the door. Oh how I wanted to be on the nice, comfy, human bed. I whined. I circled. I stood on my hind legs while staring at the door knob. It was no use. Mom wouldn't budge.

Until next time, Mom. Until next time.

I'm the kong master

I admit, when my parents first gave me the infernal kong, I was annoyed. How was I supposed to get the biscuit out? What the hell? Give me my treat, you stupid rubber beehive!

But then, after 2 or 3 tries, I mastered it. At most, I can get my treat within 30 seconds - 1 minute (human time).

Sometimes they try to fool me, shoving 2+ cookies in at once - but that's still no match for me.

I am Baxter - king of the kong.

What the frig?!?!?

Ok, so I had a long grueling weekend working at Grandma's this weekend, so I was looking forward to my five days off this week. Today I was happily devouring a luffa dog at the top of the stairs and I heard a noise. I look behind me and Dad was standing there. What the frig? Don't you ever work? Christ. Now my days off are interrupted and I had to work on a day off. I mean I usually work 2 days a week, But this week it is 3 days. I don't know if I can keep up with this schedule, I'm exhausted. I did get to make Lasagna today though, Dad was busy cleaning and stuff, but I was like "Dad, I'm trying to make lasagna give me meat!" Now my parents are both home watching TV. I am so stressed. I need a day off.

I'm winning, Mom

See that? That's me chillin' on my parents bed.

Mom took that picture with her cell phone, which is why it's so dark.

Mom doesn't usually shower in the morning so when she hopped into the shower this morning, I jumped at the opportunity (literally) and snuggle on their bed. Ahhhh, sweet comfort.

Of course, when mom went into the shower, I was snuggled on my own bed. She's so annoying. There I was, nicely sleeping on my bed with my head on my blankets (for a pillow) and my ear draped over my eyes (I hate when they turn the lights on in the morning) - when all of the sudden I hear click. Mom took a picture. How dare she! Jerk!

So, naturally, once I heard the water running, I hopped up onto their bed. Haha, take that!

Mom said something about it not being allowed, blah blah blah. I wasn't really listening to her scold me once she found me. I did through in a few good shakes for good measure - you know, make her think I'm scared of something. What can I say? The sound of water running through the pipes freaks me out. Besides, I have my humans trained. If they push me off the bed, they know I may pee. I've been known to pee out of excitement, fear and just about anything else - so they know it's a risk they take. They don't want pee on their bed. Muhahahaha.

Mom proceeded to take out the little black dog that blows hot air after scolding me. Usually, I like to bark at the little black dog. Show it who's boss, you know. Sometimes it turns around and blows hot air at me - so I bark more...although...the warm air does feel nice.

I digress. I didn't get up to bark at the little black dog today because, well, I was enjoying the sweet comfort of a memory foam mattress. I'm not stupid you know, I know good comfort when I see it.

When mom told me to get up to go outside, I refused. I sat and stared at her. Then I rolled my eyes as she came over with the collar and leash.

For the record:

Baxter: 1
Mom: 0

Laundry Day

Unlike my humans, I love laundry day.

Poor, unsuspecting dad was doing his monthly mound of laundry tonight so I snuck downstairs and took one of his socks for myself. I love socks - they're my little socky friends. Oh, how I love to chew them, rip them to shreds and play tug of war with them.

Unfortunately, mom foiled my plan.

I had neatly hidden my new sock in the folds of my mouth - but mom can always tell. I swiftly carried the sock to my bed and started going to town. Suddenly, mom called dad over to see if that was his sock. (Although, clearly I had already claimed it. It was, after all, in my mouth, not his.)

Dad proceeded to wave his finger at me and stole my new socky friend from me. I don't see why he put it in the washing machine though. My mouth cleaned it enough. Clean freak.

Parents: 1
Baxter: 0

I'll get mine.

**********************************************************

In other news, I'll be spending this weekend at Grandma's. I'm already plotting my attack on Mercy. Stupid cat.

I miss my mom

I hate to admit that, but I do.

She was home last week - Thursday through Monday. And we cuddled, a lot. Especially Monday. Monday mom was tired, so she lied on the couch pretty much all day and, being the cuddle buddy that I am, I lied with her. All day. I think we got up maybe three times.

Really, I was cold. I needed the body heat. Yes, that's it.

But, yesterday morning she was back to her old ways. We went out and she left. She did the same thing today. I still don't know where she goes. Usually, I enjoy my time off, but not today. Today I gazed sadly out the window and watched her get in the car. Without me. What the hell, Mom? I love driving.

I am the basset that goes bump in the night

Yea, that's me.

Usually at night I check on my parents a few times. You know, trot around the bed and make sure they're still in there. Sometimes I sleep walk though, and walk my dome right into the side of their bed. Stupid wooden bed. Always getting in my way.

Last night, mom was lying in bed. Since I'm so stealthy, I peaked over the foot of the bed and saw mom alone. I lunged into action and appeared next to her. Yea, I know I'm not "supposed" to be on their bed. But who cares? So, I did the nice thing and sniffed her. Knowing she couldn't kick me off because of her recent surgery, I started circling. You'd think a king size bed would automatically be comfortable. But it's not. It too requires the proper amount of circling to ensure maximum comfort.

Unfortunately, right when I got comfortable, Dad came out of the bathroom and started telling me to get off. I understood what he was saying, but wagged my tail, hoping to persuade him into letting me stay. I thought it worked. Dad got into bed and for a moment, all three of us were snug as a bug in a rug...or on a bed...whatever.

But then dad shoved his covered feet under me and off the bed I went. Jerk. I will win.