Cuddling and Werebassets, oh my!

I spent much of last night cuddling my mom. First, I sat on her lap. Well - okay, I layed on her lap. She was on the couch, so I took it upon myself to jump up and get into her lap. From time to time I'd switch it up - body in lap. Front paws and head in lap. And switch!

Then, when she was alone in bed, I made my move. I heaved myself onto the human bed. Oh how I love the forbidden human bed! Ahh, sweet comfort.

Dad stared at me when he noticed. I stared him down. This is my bed. Eventually he came over and put his hands under me trying to heave me off the bed. No dice. I then lied directly on Mom. She's mine, I say!

Unfortunately, I lost the battle. Til another time, Dad.

Dad: 1
Baxter: 0

And now for the Werebasset.

In case you don't know, the Werebasset is a strange creature that occasionally pesters all of us when we sleep. He howls randomly in the middle of the night and gives us all panic attacks. He seems to howl around the time of the full moon. Hence the name, Werebasset.

Personally, I don't care so much that it wakes my parents up. But I do care that it wakes me up. I need my beauty sleep! And who howls in the middle of the night, anyway? I'm a sophisticated hound...err, pig. I only howl when provoked. And even then, it's rare.

Anyway, onto last night.

Last night, the Werebasset struck again. Late in the night, while all of us were sleeping he let out a slow, soft, oddly quiet Werebasset howl. I'll get you, Werebasset!

The Bassets Escape on Christmas Eve, Hurrah, Hurrah.

I always have to add some excitement to the holidays. It's what I do. It's how I roll.

Yesterday was Christmas Eve. I don't really know what it is, other than the fact that Mom and Dad don't go to work that day but leave me alone anyway.

So, doing what any good pig would do - I escaped yesterday. I'm so stealthy. Right when Dad opened the door for Mom, I saw my chance - and took it. I bolted as soon as the storm door opened. I frolicked and ran crazily through the parking lot (making sure to stay on the icy sidewalk of course. The snow would have just slowed me down). Dad chased after me and got me to turn around. I then spotted Mom, leash in hand. She's no match for me. I darted down the stairs - ha ha!

My plan worked perfectly until of course, I was distracted by a large mound of snow. Mmmm, snow. It was so tasty, but ultimately lead to my demise. As I stood licking the giant snow heap, dad grabbed my collar and Mom put my leash on. Jerks.

Dad dragged me inside, called me a douchebag and locked me inside. Whatever, I had my victory. As far as I'm concerned, I won this one.

Parents: 1
Baxter: 1

I'm leveling the playing field.

What Mom and Dad didn't realize though, is that I was trying to throw a party. I was holding a basset convention. And they ruined it.

See, I was heading to Fred's house. My parents have never met Fred, but he's another basset - from the next town over. Once I was trapped inside, I dexted (dog texting) Fred to come over instead, since my 'rents had foiled my escape.

Naturally, since I'm the superior basset, Fred obliged and escaped his house. What's a mild electric shot among friends?

That would have worked beautifully...until Mom and Dad spotted Fred running frantically throughout the streets. Fred, being the amicable basset that he is, fell for their plan. Mom said: "Hey, dog" as Dad pulled over. They held his red collar (I also have a red collar) and called his human. Stupid parents. Fred's human came to retrieve him thus ruining our Christmas Eve basset convention plans. Jerks. All of you! I shake my paw at you!

For the record, Fred and I look very much alike. We are both supremely cute, tri colored bassets. The best of the breed, really.

So once again, foiled by the humans. I guess that means they're winning.

Parents: 2
Baxter: 1

I'll get mine.

Stay tuned for my Christmas antics.

Crap, now we're even

Baxter: 1
Mom: 1

She's on to me. She went to take a shower today, so, naturally, I jumped onto her bed. She caught me, so I slunk off, head down, implying I wouldn't do it again. So, she went to the bathroom (again) - I thought I was safe. I had my front paws on the bed when she came around the corner. I was caught red pawed. I apologized. Again.

This time, I'll wait until I know she's in the shower. I followed her to the bathroom to make sure she got in, and what do you know - she closed the door behind me.

She won.

I had to spend the entire time in the bathroom. I nudged the door with my nose but it was no use - I didn't have enough room to get my nose around their water sticks (or in human terms "toilet"). I was trapped.

I spent the time lying on the bathmat, staring longingly at the door. Oh how I wanted to be on the nice, comfy, human bed. I whined. I circled. I stood on my hind legs while staring at the door knob. It was no use. Mom wouldn't budge.

Until next time, Mom. Until next time.

I'm winning, Mom

See that? That's me chillin' on my parents bed.

Mom took that picture with her cell phone, which is why it's so dark.

Mom doesn't usually shower in the morning so when she hopped into the shower this morning, I jumped at the opportunity (literally) and snuggle on their bed. Ahhhh, sweet comfort.

Of course, when mom went into the shower, I was snuggled on my own bed. She's so annoying. There I was, nicely sleeping on my bed with my head on my blankets (for a pillow) and my ear draped over my eyes (I hate when they turn the lights on in the morning) - when all of the sudden I hear click. Mom took a picture. How dare she! Jerk!

So, naturally, once I heard the water running, I hopped up onto their bed. Haha, take that!

Mom said something about it not being allowed, blah blah blah. I wasn't really listening to her scold me once she found me. I did through in a few good shakes for good measure - you know, make her think I'm scared of something. What can I say? The sound of water running through the pipes freaks me out. Besides, I have my humans trained. If they push me off the bed, they know I may pee. I've been known to pee out of excitement, fear and just about anything else - so they know it's a risk they take. They don't want pee on their bed. Muhahahaha.

Mom proceeded to take out the little black dog that blows hot air after scolding me. Usually, I like to bark at the little black dog. Show it who's boss, you know. Sometimes it turns around and blows hot air at me - so I bark more...although...the warm air does feel nice.

I digress. I didn't get up to bark at the little black dog today because, well, I was enjoying the sweet comfort of a memory foam mattress. I'm not stupid you know, I know good comfort when I see it.

When mom told me to get up to go outside, I refused. I sat and stared at her. Then I rolled my eyes as she came over with the collar and leash.

For the record:

Baxter: 1
Mom: 0

Laundry Day

Unlike my humans, I love laundry day.

Poor, unsuspecting dad was doing his monthly mound of laundry tonight so I snuck downstairs and took one of his socks for myself. I love socks - they're my little socky friends. Oh, how I love to chew them, rip them to shreds and play tug of war with them.

Unfortunately, mom foiled my plan.

I had neatly hidden my new sock in the folds of my mouth - but mom can always tell. I swiftly carried the sock to my bed and started going to town. Suddenly, mom called dad over to see if that was his sock. (Although, clearly I had already claimed it. It was, after all, in my mouth, not his.)

Dad proceeded to wave his finger at me and stole my new socky friend from me. I don't see why he put it in the washing machine though. My mouth cleaned it enough. Clean freak.

Parents: 1
Baxter: 0

I'll get mine.

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In other news, I'll be spending this weekend at Grandma's. I'm already plotting my attack on Mercy. Stupid cat.

Back from Grandma's

Stupid parents had parties to go to last night so they shipped me off to grandma's.

I spent my time chasing my nemesis, Mercy. Grandma's new, stupid cat.I enjoyed myself. After a straight hour of barking in the cat's face, Grandma decided to separate us. Naturally, since I'm superior, I got to stay with Grandma while the stupid cat was shipped upstairs.

Baxter: 1
Mercy: 0

I'm sad to report that I smell nice and clean now though. I got a bath.

While I love bathing in the bubbles and being pampered, I hate smelling clean. I worked months on that aroma.

I'm off to basque in the sun, hopefully I can conjure up so good stank.