I still hate my humans...

Yup, as if the pig suit wasn't bad enough. Who dresses a pig up like a pig anyway.....morons. Well, I usually sit on the couch to watch Wheel of Fortune and I sometimes let the humans watch with me. But, there is this unspoken "Baxter gets 2 cushions, Human's share 1 cushion" rule. I mean, my tail and ears need space to stretch out. Now Mom thinks she can just take over 2 cushions. I mean when I jumped on her before she was all like "Oh, I just had surgery I need to stretch out Baxter, blah, blah, blah..." I just stopped listening. I mean who does she think she is, I earn all the biscuits in this house. I am so angry I could poop again. Actually that would make for 7 poops today. I am so awesome. That is why all the trick-or-treating hotties love me, they are all like "Oh, my God! Look at the cute pig, Baxter is so hot and awesome." I love Halloween!

I hate my humans

Need I say more?




This is what I have to say to you, stupid humans:

Stupid Floor

So, I freeze my butt off all night because my Dad was too lazy to get up and cover me after I uncovered myself. Jerk. Then to make matters worse, Mom was complaining about it being cold, so they "turned the heat on," whatever that means. Now the floor keeps blowing hot air at me and I am sweating my dog balls off, well maybe I should say "sweating my coin purse off" because I lost my balls a few years ago and I don't know where they went. But I digress, the point is its hot and I have to poop.

Bed Time

Last night my parents went out. Leaving me home alone. Again.

So, I did what any good pig would do. I broke into their room and nestled in their bed. See, I'm "not allowed" on their bed. Something about having 2 beds of my own (one complete with springs), smelling like a dog, blah, blah, blah.

I curled up into a nice ball on mom's side (my favorite) and even cuddled with her pair of fleece pants that she left on the bed. I love fleece.

Naturally, I sprang to action when I heard them open the door. I made like I was lying at the top of the stairs (another one of my favorite places) and greeted them at the door. I wagged my butt with glee.

But, I was discovered. Their bed was hot to the touch where I had been lying. Whoops.

Nun-chuck Poop

Thank god it's Monday. I'm drained from this week. Saturday and Sunday were brutal. I need my rest!

Today, like everyday, mom took me out in the morning before she left for the day. I still haven't figured out where she goes - but I'm thankful that she leaves. I just cannot work that much. It takes a lot of energy to chase my tail, bark, chase the laser pointer and do other things to amuse my humans.

Anyway, back to my morning outing. I had nun-chuck poop again. For those of you wondering what nun-chuck poop is - it's when poop is dangling by a string. Or, in my case, by a hair. I'm always finding mom's loose hair and eating it - then this happens. And all they do is laugh as I squat about the woods, trying to push out the remaining poop as some dangles from my rear.

It was worth it.

Back from Grandma's

Stupid parents had parties to go to last night so they shipped me off to grandma's.

I spent my time chasing my nemesis, Mercy. Grandma's new, stupid cat.I enjoyed myself. After a straight hour of barking in the cat's face, Grandma decided to separate us. Naturally, since I'm superior, I got to stay with Grandma while the stupid cat was shipped upstairs.

Baxter: 1
Mercy: 0

I'm sad to report that I smell nice and clean now though. I got a bath.

While I love bathing in the bubbles and being pampered, I hate smelling clean. I worked months on that aroma.

I'm off to basque in the sun, hopefully I can conjure up so good stank.