Christmas Antics

Christmas was a bit ruff (Get it? Ruff?). I had to work ALL DAY.

The day started out well though, Santa brought me lots of gifts. Here I am playing with one:


Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.It's a bird! It's a plane!It's me, Baxter!


After I played with my new toys, I discovered that Santa had left more for me under the tree. While my parents busy cooking, I was busy unwrapping my gifts from under the tree. It was AWESOME!

Did someone say Christmas Ham?


Once guests arrived, I made sure to bark as much as possible throughout the day. After all, I was working that day. While everyone ate dinner and tried to talk, I barked. I take my job very seriously. I'm pretty good at it. I'm almost positive everyone told me to be quiet at least once. Ahh, success!

Here I am mid bark. I always have something to say:


Here I am doing my Wallace and Gromit impression:


Towards the end of the day, I was complete exhausted. It's hard work, annoying humans. Finally, I decided to rest on my loveseat. Unfortunately, I had to share with Grandma. I hate sharing. It's MY loveseat, Grandma.

The Bassets Escape on Christmas Eve, Hurrah, Hurrah.

I always have to add some excitement to the holidays. It's what I do. It's how I roll.

Yesterday was Christmas Eve. I don't really know what it is, other than the fact that Mom and Dad don't go to work that day but leave me alone anyway.

So, doing what any good pig would do - I escaped yesterday. I'm so stealthy. Right when Dad opened the door for Mom, I saw my chance - and took it. I bolted as soon as the storm door opened. I frolicked and ran crazily through the parking lot (making sure to stay on the icy sidewalk of course. The snow would have just slowed me down). Dad chased after me and got me to turn around. I then spotted Mom, leash in hand. She's no match for me. I darted down the stairs - ha ha!

My plan worked perfectly until of course, I was distracted by a large mound of snow. Mmmm, snow. It was so tasty, but ultimately lead to my demise. As I stood licking the giant snow heap, dad grabbed my collar and Mom put my leash on. Jerks.

Dad dragged me inside, called me a douchebag and locked me inside. Whatever, I had my victory. As far as I'm concerned, I won this one.

Parents: 1
Baxter: 1

I'm leveling the playing field.

What Mom and Dad didn't realize though, is that I was trying to throw a party. I was holding a basset convention. And they ruined it.

See, I was heading to Fred's house. My parents have never met Fred, but he's another basset - from the next town over. Once I was trapped inside, I dexted (dog texting) Fred to come over instead, since my 'rents had foiled my escape.

Naturally, since I'm the superior basset, Fred obliged and escaped his house. What's a mild electric shot among friends?

That would have worked beautifully...until Mom and Dad spotted Fred running frantically throughout the streets. Fred, being the amicable basset that he is, fell for their plan. Mom said: "Hey, dog" as Dad pulled over. They held his red collar (I also have a red collar) and called his human. Stupid parents. Fred's human came to retrieve him thus ruining our Christmas Eve basset convention plans. Jerks. All of you! I shake my paw at you!

For the record, Fred and I look very much alike. We are both supremely cute, tri colored bassets. The best of the breed, really.

So once again, foiled by the humans. I guess that means they're winning.

Parents: 2
Baxter: 1

I'll get mine.

Stay tuned for my Christmas antics.

Fluffy White Stuff Stikes Again

There is so much of it. My parents laugh at me because I'm "Pepe Le Pew" hopping up to the woods. I can't help it. The snow completely covers my stumps which makes pooping difficult. First, I have to hop my way up to the woods, then I have to mash down the snow while pacing back and forth, sniff out a good spot - you know the drill. And it's cold. And wet. The only good thing about it is that it tastes good - nice flavor, crunchy texture with a touch of environmental pollution. Good stuff.

Here I am running down the hill. Look at me in action:

O Christmas Ham

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

How ever salty are you?

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

You make me drool when you're around

I hope that you fall on the ground

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

How ever tasty are you?

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

How ever awesome are thee

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

You smell so good when you're around

You are a great sight to see

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

How ever glazed are thee

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

You make the house smell so Hammy

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

You taste like you'll stick to my ribs

I so glad I don't wear a bib

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

You are so ever tasty are thee

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

You taste so good in my belly

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham

Your glaze is sweet

How tasty is your meat

O Christmas Ham, O Christmas Ham
I hope Santa brings you to me

I want to roll in it......

Today Mom and Dad were waiting around for something called "U-Verse." I told them they shouldn't waste their time with it and should just order "Hound-Verse," its all bassetts, all the time. Well, anyways, the signal isn't making it to our house so it couldn't get hooked up today. But, the guy that came to hook it up smelled like stale cigarrettes and cologne. It was awesome. I love stink. I love licking my butt too. It tastes so good, especially after I eat peanuts and mom hair!

On an unrelated note, I dropped my Kong off of my bed and it rolled behind the couch. I miss it. I can see it, but I can't reach it. If only there was some way I could walk behind the couch and pick it up. I keep hinting at my parents to get it, but they are just simple, stupid humans and apparently don't understand hound speak. STOP STARING AT ME AND PICK UP MY FREAKIN' KONG!!!!! God, they just blink at me and laugh. Where did I go wrong with them. I tried to train them to understand how important basset hounds are and that they should honor me, but they just don't seem willing to learn. I will just keep at it, they'll come around someday.

I miss you Kong!

Have you ever noticed...

That my name fits perfectly in the Mickey Mouse Theme?

B-A-X-T-E-R.....H-O-U-N-D!
Baxter Hound!

Yup, it works. And it's way better than Mickey Mouse. What does a stupid mouse need a theme song for? That's just stupid.

My new addiction

Beneful. It's so yummy and delicious - plus it stinks to high heaven, so that makes it even more appealing. It looks a little like fruity pebbles so I'm told (I don't really know - I can't see color, remember?) I know it's shaped much better than those stupid mini chunks mom was feeding me. Stupid mini chunks.

Anyway, I love my Beneful so much that I insisted on eating before going out this morning. Normally, I wake up - exude my sleepy basset stench and wait for Mom to take me out. But not today. Today, I exuded my stench, stretched and waited for Mom to open the door. Once she did - down the stairs and into the kitchen I went.

Gone are the days that I'd go out and decide not to eat because my parents were leaving me (again). Nope, now I must eat immediately. I am a Beneful addict. I must have it.

Incidentally, it makes my gas smell extra fragrant - in case you were wondering. Mom has pulled her sweatshirt over her nose twice as I've been writing this. Twice!

Oh, and if you'd like to know about my other food addiction and would like to buy some for me (Grandma), it's these:

They're my favorite cookie. They can be bought here: https://www.threedog.com/ or at your local walmart. So get shopping.

Attack of the fluffly white stuff

It's back. I haven't seen it in a while, but last night it started. There was some fluffy white stuff on the ground when mom took me out last night. It was there again this morning.

Oh, how I love the fluffy white stuff. I love to bury my nose in it and inhale, even though it makes tracking difficult. I love dragging mom through it when I go to poop in the woods. I love frolicking in it, even though it's cold.

I am glad it happened on a day that I'm already working though. Usually when this happens on my days off my stupid parents stay home and I have to work an extra day that week. It totally sucks, I hate having to work overtime unexpectedly. Totally cramps my style.

Also, I'm mad at dad. He and the rest of the men in the family went to drive little cars around a track - and he didn't even invite me. Jerk. I love driving.

I licked a tub (and I liked it)

...the taste of that shower curtain
I licked a tub just to try it
I hope my parents don't mind it
It felt so cold
It felt so white
Don't mean I'm clean tonight
I licked a tub and I liked it
I liked it

That's right, I licked the tub - and I liked it. In case you couldn't tell (sometimes dad needs the jokes explained to him) - this is to the melody of "I kissed a girl." But that's a stupid song. Who would want to kiss a girl? Licking a tub is much more fun. It's how I get some of my daily water intake.

Every time my parents are showering, I make sure to stand guard and drink the water droplets either from the raining room itself, the plastic thing, or the bath. They all work about the same, but the rain itself leaves water droplets on my dome. And then the water gets in my eyes - makes me all squinty.

So yea, I licked a tub. What of it?

PS - Stay tuned for more of my awesome musical genius.

I'm so happy, I could poop on a stick!

Holy crap, I have followers! Thats right I have fans and they are not grandma or her stupid cat. I hate that cat. It looks ridiculous in its leash. But at least it drug soup all over the kitchen. Oh wait, back to my initial point. I am sooooooo famous!

My first Christmas

Looking back, my first Christmas wasn't even that great. I mean look at me! I'm dressed like a flying mythical creature (and quite clearly pissed off about it) and I didn't even get a Christmas ham out of the deal. What gives?

The only good thing that came from it was a loofa dog, which I promply destroyed. Thank you very much.

I don't know where this is coming from

But dogs are singing and I can't find it. I'm running around the house looking for them, but I can't find them anywhere. What the hell? I can hear them, but I can't see them. And I can't smell them either.

Stupid singing dogs.

Dear Santa:

I know I haven't visited you yet this year - and I don't know what my mom's plans are this year...but I did enjoy our chat in the past. Remember?

Anyway, here's what I'd like for Christmas:

1) A Christmas ham

2) A new Loofa dog to destroy

3) To be allowed on mom and dad's bed

4) To be allowed to attack Mercy (stupid cat)

5) Snow

6) Peanuts