Have ya met Fred?

Fred is my little convict buddy. You see, he's another basset hound that looks just like me. For real. If you're not familiar with the backstory and how Fred escaped the first time, please click here: Fred.

He escaped again last night. He was once again running straight for Mom and Dad's car. So, they pulled over and Fred whined to be let in...so Fred sat on Mom's lap. I can tell because I spent a good 30 minutes sniffing her coat when they got home. Dad called the owner and drove home because no one was answering the phone. Mom was planning on keeping Fred because, well, she's a cheater and loves him too. Jerk. But as soon as they arrived home, the Fred's human called back and Mom, Dad and Fred were off to return him.

This is Fred:

I suppose he's alright looking. I mean, after all, he does look enough like me to make him kind of attractive. But I'm still number 1. Right? Me:

For the record, Mom was going to take Fred in to meet me and take a few good pictures of him and us together, but Dad wouldn't let her.

Until we meet again, Fred.

The Werebasset Struck again

Stupid Werebasset, howling in the middle of the night...again. I can't stand him, he wakes me up out of a sound sleep with his stupid howling.

He needs to learn to control himself. I need my beauty sleep.

I'd write more, but I have to go back to sleep. I'm exhausted now, thanks to him.

My usual antics

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy chasing my tail, running around in circles, playing in the snow, sneaking onto my parents bed, licking my butt (not on the couch of course) and working on my beautiful houndy aroma. What can I say? It takes a lot to be me.

Anyway, tonight I had a green bean. Mmmmm. I think I like those. It wasn't as good as the pork scraps Mom gave me, but it was nice and crunchy - just the way dog food should be.

Not too much is new around here. I've been sneaking onto the parent's bed whenever I can, regardless of if they're in it or not. I like to scope out the situation first. Then I make my move. I jump up with grace and plant myself firmly by their feet. This usually makes my Mom erupt in laughter while Dad sternly replies: "Baaaxxxter" over and over as I ignore him and look the other way.

Eventually, Dad will shove his feet under my body, which will only aggravate me enough to turn around. More laughter. Finally, Dad will end up winning (jerk) and I'll slink of the bed, just as gracefully as before. Then I wind up in my stupid bed, waiting to be covered. And seriously guys? My bed STINKS. Yeeesh. It smells like a Basset's been festering in there!

So, that's what I've been up to.

Also, I'd like to take a moment to say: "Bad Grandma!" Why am I scolding my jerkface Grandmother? Easy - she doesn't want to see me. Who wouldn't want to see this? My parents are planning a Casino escape for a night (don't even get me started. First off, why can't I go to the Casino? I'm an excellent poker player. Most dogs are, but this isn't a hidden fact or anything. Secondly - that $5 that Mom gambles with could be put to much better use - like dog biscuits. I can't even fathom how many biscuits Dad's $20-$40 could by. Stupid parents and their lack of priorities).

Anyway, I digress. Grandma and her stupid cat don't want me staying during the week. Stupid cat. This is all her fault. I don't understand why Grandma won't let me near that stupid furry feline. I only want to play, but she says I'll give it a heart attack. Personally, I think Grandma's over reacting. I'll just chase her around the apartment a few hundred times. No biggie.

So, feel free to comment and tell my Grandma to take me for the night because 1) I need a bath 2) I want to eat...er...chase a cat. 3) I like sleeping on human beds and Mom and Dad won't let me on theirs.

Cuddling and Werebassets, oh my!

I spent much of last night cuddling my mom. First, I sat on her lap. Well - okay, I layed on her lap. She was on the couch, so I took it upon myself to jump up and get into her lap. From time to time I'd switch it up - body in lap. Front paws and head in lap. And switch!

Then, when she was alone in bed, I made my move. I heaved myself onto the human bed. Oh how I love the forbidden human bed! Ahh, sweet comfort.

Dad stared at me when he noticed. I stared him down. This is my bed. Eventually he came over and put his hands under me trying to heave me off the bed. No dice. I then lied directly on Mom. She's mine, I say!

Unfortunately, I lost the battle. Til another time, Dad.

Dad: 1
Baxter: 0

And now for the Werebasset.

In case you don't know, the Werebasset is a strange creature that occasionally pesters all of us when we sleep. He howls randomly in the middle of the night and gives us all panic attacks. He seems to howl around the time of the full moon. Hence the name, Werebasset.

Personally, I don't care so much that it wakes my parents up. But I do care that it wakes me up. I need my beauty sleep! And who howls in the middle of the night, anyway? I'm a sophisticated hound...err, pig. I only howl when provoked. And even then, it's rare.

Anyway, onto last night.

Last night, the Werebasset struck again. Late in the night, while all of us were sleeping he let out a slow, soft, oddly quiet Werebasset howl. I'll get you, Werebasset!

A few of my recent moments

Sorry I'm going to have to condense this list. Mom and Dad have been off for over a week, so I've been working over time lately and pulling all-nighters. I am exhausted!

1) Mom has had Snoopy (my idol) balloon for 2 months now. It has been floating around the spare bedroom - so one day I dragged it outside her bedroom door and woke her up. There it was directly in front of her door: "Cheer Up!" It took the sting out of my morning barf-fest that day.

2) I just stole a Christmas gift. It was AWESOME! I love presents. I love unwrapping. What did they expect me to do with that gift on the floor? (The floor is MY turf - my turf!) It's been sitting there for over a week now so I had to open it. Mom came running up the stairs when she heard the paper shredding. Naturally, I had to play keep away. This was my glass bottle of beer bread. (I love cooking!). Mine! Finally I brought it down stairs, but Dad startled me when he screamed: "Drop it!" So I did just that. I dropped the glass bottle on the hard tile floor. And they had the nerve to look annoyed. I dropped it, didn't I? Isn't that what you told me to do?

This over time is really killing me though. They keep having people over which means I have to bark at them and chase them around the house. And I have to play with Roofus (a "laser pointer" so they call him, but really, he's my BFF).

Even worse - they shipped me to Grandma's recently. Grandma's! It was awful, I was bathed - all that hard work acquiring my wonderful odor gone, just like that. I didn't even get to eat the cat.

Ok, that's all for now. I think I'm going to go sleep on Mom.